My grandmother is not abashed when it comes to doling out life advice. “Never get into cars with strange boys,” “Keep your house organized in order to do the creative things,” etc. Sometimes the advice is plausible, sometimes the advice is silly, but often it’s from her life experiences and it’s then when I perk up and take what she says to heart. For example, when my cousin asked my grandma if she ever minded the worms and bugs while gardening and my grandmother responded, “I love the roses more than I hate the worms.” There’s got to be some life lesson in there. The life quip that she often reminds me, which resounds in my head on many an occasion (and date) is, “Marry the man with the face you don’t mind waking up to every day for the rest of your life. If you can’t stand his face, you’re in trouble.” She’s totally right. Think about all the guys you’ve dated. Can you imagine waking up next to half of them? To think about waking up next to half the guys I’ve dated makes me nauseous. There’s some in my bunch of men I could probably tolerate, but no one that I’m sure I could be happy to wake up next to. Thus, I’m still dating around.
However, as powerful and clear as my grandma’s words are, they often cause me great confusion. See, I have this image of my “one” in my head. I know what he should look like. I mean, it’s obviously a scale, there’s not just ONE image in my head, but it is a specific image. Some of the men I have dated have fit that scale, others totally not. Do I discount the men that don’t look like my “soul mate” as not the one? Absolutely not. In my girlish head I’ve thought about what our children would look like or how he would look kissing me on our wedding day. But, somewhere in my heart of hearts, I know that I would look at them every day and think, “is he really the one?” I know that’s not fair to those men who just happen to not physically fit the description of the “one” in my head, but I don’t think that I would be able to be with someone that didn’t fit the description. It’s just a feeling, you know? Since I was young I had this image of the man. He was right there. I could reach out and touch him, but his face was slightly blurred. What I did know, is how I wanted to feel around him. Strong, powerful, smart; but also, beautiful, feminine, and womanly. I wanted him to make my head spin, my heart pound, and my mouth dry. I know this about myself. There’s someone, somewhere, out there, and I think his face is the one I want to wake up to every morning. People talk about the fact that they have to be attracted to the person they are with, but for me, it’s all in the face. It’s in the eyes (must be deep, knowing, and positive), the nose (strong, regal, and handsome), and the lips (a smile worth a thousand words). Okay, call me crazy. I’m looking for something that may not exist, but why not look? If in my travels for this man I do find the man of my dreams, and he may or may not look like the man in my head, than it WAS in fact my imaginary man to bring me to my soul-mate, right? Of course, right.
Do you have an image of your “one” in your head?