Miss March on Wedding Announcements

I did something stupid this morning. I couldn’t sleep so I got up and read The Times online. And I did something which I never do:

I read the Wedding Announcements.

I know it’s like uber-cliche to get upset while reading them, believe me, this wasn’t a proud moment in Miss March’s life, but, there I was getting teary eyed over my morning oatmeal about these people in love and getting married.

Because here’s the secret I haven’t said outloud, here’s the glitch in my plan, and the rip in my jeans:

I want to be married.

Perhaps I don’t want to be married this moment, and that I know. But, I think growing with someone is purely amazing and I would love to know the man I’m going to potentially spend the rest of my life with. (NB: I use the term “marriage” loosely. I mean, “be with” or “commit to.” My stance on legal marriage is still unsure)

I’m a natural born nurturer and nester; which is why dating multiple men at once, while fun, is a struggle and challenge for me. I do tend to get attached, as Coheed said, and I do dream, which only ends up confusing me in the long run.

I love finding out how people met, how they became engaged, what their wedding was like. I’m fascinated by love; I love the sociology of love. Why do people fall in love? Why that particular person? What can they give you that would make your world a better place?

I was discussing love with my Aunt yesterday; in particular a certain person we know and about how she’s not in love with her husband, but doesn’t want to get divorced. I said to my Aunt, “She doesn’t even seem happy to go home to see him…where’s the excitement?” While I know that marriage, a house, kids, etc. changes a couple’s relationship in many ways, I want to always be excited to come home and see my SO standing there. I want to want him. I want to need his smile, his eyes, his laugh.

As a child of divorce (well, who isn’t now-a-days?) I have this dream in my head that there’s this one man out there for me who is my other half. If my parents couldn’t find their other halves (at least in each other), than perhaps I can. Isn’t a parent supposed to leave the world a better place for their children? I’ve always been a romantic in my heart and logical in my head. Take for example this thing with MusicTeach: I fell really hard. I let my heart take over my head and whack, I was screwed. Now things are confusing and my head is being all logical and “It’s okay, give him time” and my heart is being all “Miss March, don’t you miiiiissss him?” Heart, shut up.

Reading the Wedding Announcements is a lot like reading online dating profiles: I only read the ones with pictures. Those silly, staged, cutesy pictures. The pictures of the couple are always fantastic: two bobble heads within the camera frame, his hand gracefully placed on her shoulder, her head slightly turned and both mouths open, with her flippy hair going every which way, exactly like it should. It’s a whole culture. It’s sociology. Who are these people that submit their announcements? And WHY? The people who submit announcements to the Times are all upper class, Ivy League, lawyers who wear their baseball caps, and Patagonia bubble vests, and tight jeans, while carrying their Nalgenes to brunch at their local cafe. I know, because I’ve seen them there. Do they submit because they are so in love that they want the world to know? My guess is that that’s true for 1 out of every 10 couples. They do it because it’s a life long dream (ala Charlotte York) to get their announcement in The Times. They do it because their parents’ have some Law Firm, Consulting Firm, had family on the Mayflower, started their own charity. They do it because New York is still an old family Society type of town, whether we like to think so or not. Like, for example, why do we need to know that the bride is changing her name? Or his first marriage resulted in divorce? Because it’s old school. It’s an old school sense of honesty and tradition that these people still adhere to. I think someone should analyze these wedding announcements and write a book about them so I can read it. Perhaps it’s been written, I’ll go look. And if not, who better to write it than me: a cynical romantic with her heart in the clouds and her head on the ground?

How do you feel about wedding announcements? Will you/Have you done one?

Some books that look read-worthy about the sociology of weddings: One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding, All Dressed in White: The Irresistible Rise of the American Wedding, Cinderella Dreams: The Allure of the Lavish Wedding, Brides, Inc.: American Weddings and the Business of Traditions.

I’m going to be ordering one or two of these books to try out! Have you read any of them?

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2 responses to “Miss March on Wedding Announcements

  1. It is so interesting that you write about this. I would guess that most people who publish their announcements in the NYTimes are doing it for status purposes and NOT for love. But you know this.

    As far as books about the Sociology of weddings, I’d have to say the Rebecca Mead book takes the cake (no pun intended). She spoke at the nypl once before I started working there. check out nypl.org/live and check out past programs and look for the audio file for when she spoke there. You will enjoy it, I guarantee!

  2. Ah babe.
    The walls.It’s sad when we have to put them back up.
    About marriage,I’m all set in my head.
    All I need now is a guy 😀 😀
    As for the announcements, it’s a social/status thing.Don’t worry your head about it.

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