Because of my experience with MusicTeach, I’ve become very aware of the word “we.” “We” is an interesting word because not only does it imply “us” but I think “we” can be somewhat belittling, if used in the wrong way. For example, there’s what they call the “beside we” which doctor’s use, “how are WE feeling today?” They’re not the ones feeling anything bad, but they say “we” to make you feel like you’re not alone. When used as “we don’t think that’s a good idea/he’s the one for you/that’s the best plan of action” I think that “we” can be very belittling. It’s making someone be included in your negation that doesn’t want to be there. When used like I just said, “we” is also a total defensive mechanism for the person saying the “we”; they don’t want to take the “I” blame for whatever they are trying to say, so they include someone else in their plans so that you can’t just blame them for their statement, but have to either let it go, or make a bigger deal out of it and blame the “we” people.
So, I’ve taken “we” out of my vocabulary. I don’t want to be the one who we’s someone else, so I’ve stopped saying it. I have a tendancy to get overly-excited at the beginning of meeting someone and dropping the W-word a lot, so I decided, it’s in my and my future relationships best interest to choose other words to say instead of we. I’ve been saying “let’s,” which I know sounds like we, but I feel like isn’t as serious. Or I’ve been rearranging my sentences in order to come across as not sounding we-like but more just interested in doing something fun.
And know what? I really like the way this is working out so far. Because I have to stop and think and rearrange my thoughts in order to not use “we” I’ve been watching what I’ve been saying more, not talking as fast, using my brain more (and that fluttery, ohmygod! feeling less) when discussing plans with a guy.
“We” can be a good feeling when you’re getting married, or on a rollercoaster (weeeee!), but we isn’t a good feeling when you throw it out there and get no response. I’ve come to realize it’s best to just not use it, unless you’re in dire need of saying “We need to get out of here!” or some such. “We” is one of those heavy words, like “my” or “our.” Who knew that a simple pronoun could carry such drastic weight?
What else have you said in replace of saying “we” to a guy?