Category Archives: Marriage

Miss March on LAFS

Happy Thanksgiving, readers!

Well, I do apologize for the lack of posts lately. Besides teaching, I’m a graphic design consultant, as well as run two businesses and just started up another venture; I’m a tad busy. And, if you couldn’t already tell I, a) have a problem saying no to people when it comes to helping with events, and b) obviously don’t like any free time on my hands.

Anyhow, ColoradoBoy is officially gone. He went back to CO for a month and isn’t really even sure if he’s coming back. Everyone keeps asking me how I’m doing with him gone, and I just laugh. Yes, we dated for four months, but it didn’t really feel like we were dating. We’re friends, first and foremost; he wasn’t ready for anything serious and God knows I’m not either, so we simply had a good time together. Do I miss him? Sure, I miss having a friend around. Do I really miss him? No. He was impossible to contact in between our times hanging out, his sister hated me, and he kept switching plans towards the end because said sister made plans which usurped our plans. I think it was really important I met him. He tried very hard to grow with me and he did learn a lot about relationships in our time together. He’s a great guy, and I think it’s cute and funny we met on Match.com–neither one of us are really online dating people (despite my past experience with it). I wish him well, and I wish him love; I do hope we stay in touch, he’s a well-meaning and good soul, just has some growing up to do.

Romeo and Juliet were said to have had LAFS.

This week I have seen and heard of two cases of “love at first sight.” Remember my Aunt’s friend K, who is like an aunt to me? She met some guy at a concert, it was totally love at first sight, and now, a month later, they are talking about spending the rest of their life together. I saw them both at T-giving yesterday and she couldn’t have been glowing any stronger, she looked gorgeous, in love, and totally over the moon. The look he was giving her was priceless. I couldn’t be happier for her! Another family member spent some time in Brazil last year and met a girl one night; well, though they only met one night, they fell for each other and have kept up a long distance relationship for about six months now. They’ll be seeing each other again soon, and there’s even marriage talk!

Okay, a part of me (the cynical part) doesn’t want to believe any of this. I mean, how can you fall in love with someone before you even know if they snore or not? Right. However, if you don’t already know, I’m a pretty spiritual person, and I really do believe that sometimes, once in a blue moon, two souls are meant to be together. I don’t think everyone will experience LAFS (love at first sight), nor should they, but some people, I believe, are really and truly meant to be together. Life can be very mysterious at times, and sometimes you don’t know the reason for things until you look at life in retrospect; perhaps you don’t realize it, but your path is leading you to your soul-mate (lover or friend). While it’s easy to be skeptical and judge, I think we have to also keep in mind that true love and LAFS does happen sometimes (and it could happen to someone you know!).

What are your thoughts on Love At First Sight?

PS. Update from T soon! (she doesn’t know it yet, but she’ll be updating us on something cool!)

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Miss March Challenges You!

Miss March has a challenge for you!

While talking to A tonight, she said very sternly to me, “I really don’t think there are any nice guys out there; I don’t believe it.”

I chose to disagree with her.

Is finding a "nice guy" like solving a rubik's cube? Just when you think you got it, another little color block pops up and you start back at square one.

Of course there are nice, good, sweet men out there; I mean, there has to be, right? Admiral Adama was the best boyfriend and friend he could be for the 3.5 years we were dating. Yes, I had my issues with him. Yes, they were major issues, but he was a sweetheart, most of the time.

Am I just proving myself wrong here?

What exactly constitutes a “good man”? My grandma would probably say, that a good man takes care of you, puts your first, never yells or snaps, lets you live your life (did I just describe a man or a dog?). Are we asking too little of men (just the other day I said to CB, “All I want is for someone to be nice to me and call me back!”) or perhaps we’re asking too much of men (be my best friend/partner/always be on/always be nice/do the dishes)?

I have a feeling that BB is going to be a “good” and “nice man.” He was raised with two sisters and watched men break our hearts and make us cry; he must have learned something from that. He’s in-tune, I think, more than most other men are, with a woman’s manners, methods, and reasoning. He’s watched his sisters chose or not chose to continue seeing men in their lives and our reasons for that.

Okay, after reading over this post I realized I quickly changed the question from finding a “nice guy” to a “good man”…I wonder why I did that?

I guess I see them as one and the same; someone who is a “good man” is also going to be “nice.” Don’t get me wrong here either, I’m not saying I’ve never met a nice guy, but they are very, very few and far between.

And yes, it’s certainly hard to find a nice guy out there; I’ve found, in my dating travels, that many men aren’t sure of themselves yet, so they take their insecurities out on you. But, there has to be a plethora of hidden nice guys out there, right? Maybe they’re all on some island, preparing me Apple Juice and vodkas with Tasti D Lite for dinner…

…or you could just start humming the tune to Matchmaker, “But, he’s a nice man, a good catch, true?”

Here’s your challenge: TELL US about any NICE GUYS you know! (and are they single and in the NY area? I kid, I kid. Sort of…) Prove Miss March and A wrong!

Are there any truly Nice Guys out there?

Miss March is Label-less

Oh Em Gee: Holding Hands Despite a Breakup?!

So, I was browsing my usual gossip websites while snacking after school today and saw this. Woah. Breaking News. People are HOLDING HANDS. Stop the presses!

For some reason the “article” (Yes, readers, I am aware I am citing Us Magazine as an “article”) made me irrationally mad. Who cares what they’re doing despite that they said they broke up? Why do we need to highlight the fact that they are holding hands even though they claimed that they weren’t together any more? Why need labels? We say people are “together” or “apart” or “single” or “taken.” Why can’t we just “be us” and “be happy”?

If there’s one thing both my parents have taught me it’s that you can have a relationship with someone and don’t need to put any sort of label on it. In fact, as one of the Boys has stated, in quantum physics (oh, look at me sounding all science-y!), when you measure something (aka, a relationship) you automatically put a label on it. By measuring who you are with someone else, or what the two of you are, it’s labeling it as “something.” And when there’s a “something,” it’s going to be analyzed.

Why can’t people just “love”? What is this desire to label? Who cares if Jimmy and Sara decide to hold hands even though they aren’t engaged anymore? Maybe they still love each other or maybe they’re friends.

I’m so over labels. In general. Labels box you in; I don’t agree with fences. Why should I listen to someone else tell me that I have to be in a relationship to hold hands or can’t seriously date or fall in love with more than one person? Labels are for those who fear the un-labeled, if you get me.

So, go tear off your labels and walk around label-less; it’s super sexy. Label-less is the new black, didn’t you know?

Miss March on Perfect Spouses?

Marilyn Monroe held her own to her famous husband, Arthur Miller. She didn't have to try and be the "perfect wife" at their dinner parties to help his career!

Anyone else see this article in today’s Style Section of The Times? It’s about how playing the role of the “perfect spouse” is imperative to your significant other obtaining a high level job. Fantastic. Except that 99% of the article is about wives being the perfect little speciman to their husbands; they cited about two examples of husbands’ having to behave and the rest of the article is about how wives can ruin their husbands’ chances of getting a job because of their “bad behavior.” I thought it was a totally throw-back, sexist article. Why is it that women have to put on a front and “behave” for their husbands’ work people but men can just be themselves? Thoughts? Do tell!

Miss March: Another One (2?) Bites the Dust…

So long, Mr. Amazing Eyes, we will surely miss you...

Before we begin, let’s say a moment of silence for one of the world’s most handsome and wonderful men, Paul Newman.

So, I got a weird text while teaching the other day. It was Coheed. The text said, “Hey, what’s up?” which isn’t an odd text per se, but in context it sort of is. See, back this summer when we went out a few times we had said that we were going to go away together to the inn his parents’ own in early October. Well, I hadn’t heard from him for most of the later part of August; then, in mid-September he had this party at the inn and didn’t invite me, so I sort of wrote him off for the time being, as per our usual messed up relationship ways.

I responded to the text with a “not much, in school, the usual.” And he responds with, “I have a girlfriend now.”

Um, okay?

This sort of came as a shock to me, not because I care all that much (I mean, he lives five hours away, how plausible is that? Plus, he didn’t like the idea of me not “settling down” with him and dating other guys), but I honestly didn’t think that there was any other girl in the picture. I asked some things, like who was she and how old; he said he had been hanging out with her for all of August and just decided to be “exclusive” and she was 21–old enough, he pointed out, to go to a bar with him. Awesome.

I asked him (this was all through text, mind you) what the point of being exclusive was if he didn’t really see them having a future (he said) and he said, “why not?” I told him that the next time I’m settling down for good will be when there’s a ring put on my finger (proverbially); I told him that I didn’t think I’ve meet “Mr. Right” right, hence I’m not settling down.

To which he responded, “You have met him. He lives upstate.” He was talking about himself.

Mr. Exclusivity was still flirting with me (he even told me we’d have to put off our “time together” til next time he’s single) even though he just became exclusive with this other girl. That didn’t feel right to me. It also didn’t feel like the real Coheed talking. I know that he adores me, and part of him really wants to be with me; but, I also know that he takes real issue in me not settling down anytime soon.

But, why text me in the middle of the day (when you know I’m working) to tell me “I have a girlfriend”? It’s not my business, really. He asked if I was seeing anyone and I said no. It’s not his business either.

I also just love how this whole thing was conducted through text message. This has been the way with Coheed and me for nearly 8 years. Back and forth, yet, never really getting anywhere. Someone is always in a relationship. He’s definitely a serial monogamist. I think he feels unsure of himself when he doesn’t have someone to think of. It was almost like a breakup text, but it was like breaking up our potential to get together sometime? How confusing.

Have you ever gotten a weird/odd/confusing text from an (t)ex(t)?

Miss March’s Role Models

So, today I found out that my grandmother and her second husband were headed toward splitsville. They’ve been married for 26 years; they met when she was a mother of forty with six kids and he was the young guitar teacher. Now, 26 years later, he’s moving out with another woman, and my grandmother, though seemingly semi-upset, seemed sort of fulfilled and happy to move on with the rest of her life. She’s seventy one going on thirty; it was so funny to hear her say some of the things she was saying tonight, “Well, my first husband [my grandfather] and I were married 23 years, this one was 26 years, and the next could be 28 and I’d be ninety-seven and ready to move onto a younger man in his eighties!” I mean, more power to her. She’s a woman who never gave up on men or love.

My beautiful grandmother (sporting the little black dress and glasses) leaving a cruise ship in the '60s.

Both my grandmothers are amazing role models for living the unconventional romantic lifestyle. They both were young married brides with kids, who went on to get divorced and find love in other places. I’m proud of my grandmother. We all knew that she wasn’t the happiest person she could be when she was with him, for the last few years, and now she’s getting the chance to start over again. As Cat Stevens‘ (oh, I’m sorry, Yusuf Islam…) sings, “It ain’t never too late, to learn about love” and he’s right. Love comes in all ages, sizes, shapes, and forms; who says a newly divorced seventy one year old woman can’t find the man of her dreams and live with him for the next thirty years? She can, and she might! (and knowing my grandmother, she will!) She was already talking about single’s night at the churches in town, internet dating, and asking me where I meet the men I go out with. To use the old line, this was a totally “far out” night. It was semi-surreal talking to my grandmother about her marriage, the divorce, the new woman in her (soon to be ex) husband’s life, etc. She was very open and honest, strong and calm. She didn’t seem shaken or upset, she talked as though this was all a matter of fact. I mean, they were living their own lives in a lot of ways, but divorce is a dirty word and it’s never easy, even if it is amicable.

The best part of the night was when I was leaving and my aunt called out to me, “Let me know if you want to go to the gym with me this week!” and my grandma calls out from behind her, “Or double date!”

Is your family as odd as mine? Please do tell!

Miss March Doesn’t We

Because of my experience with MusicTeach, I’ve become very aware of the word “we.” “We” is an interesting word because not only does it imply “us” but I think “we” can be somewhat belittling, if used in the wrong way. For example, there’s what they call the “beside we” which doctor’s use, “how are WE feeling today?” They’re not the ones feeling anything bad, but they say “we” to make you feel like you’re not alone. When used as “we don’t think that’s a good idea/he’s the one for you/that’s the best plan of action” I think that “we” can be very belittling. It’s making someone be included in your negation that doesn’t want to be there. When used like I just said, “we” is also a total defensive mechanism for the person saying the “we”; they don’t want to take the “I” blame for whatever they are trying to say, so they include someone else in their plans so that you can’t just blame them for their statement, but have to either let it go, or make a bigger deal out of it and blame the “we” people.

So, I’ve taken “we” out of my vocabulary. I don’t want to be the one who we’s someone else, so I’ve stopped saying it. I have a tendancy to get overly-excited at the beginning of meeting someone and dropping the W-word a lot, so I decided, it’s in my and my future relationships best interest to choose other words to say instead of we. I’ve been saying “let’s,” which I know sounds like we, but I feel like isn’t as serious. Or I’ve been rearranging my sentences in order to come across as not sounding we-like but more just interested in doing something fun.

And know what? I really like the way this is working out so far. Because I have to stop and think and rearrange my thoughts in order to not use “we” I’ve been watching what I’ve been saying more, not talking as fast, using my brain more (and that fluttery, ohmygod! feeling less) when discussing plans with a guy.

“We” can be a good feeling when you’re getting married, or on a rollercoaster (weeeee!), but we isn’t a good feeling when you throw it out there and get no response. I’ve come to realize it’s best to just not use it, unless you’re in dire need of saying “We need to get out of here!” or some such. “We” is one of those heavy words, like “my” or “our.” Who knew that a simple pronoun could carry such drastic weight?

What else have you said in replace of saying “we” to a guy?