Tag Archives: Internet Dating

Miss March: T Writes from the Battlelines!

Hey all, special treat today! T‘s been online dating and I’ve asked her to share here with us, her first experience meeting a man she met online. I’ll be back in the next few days! Thanks T!

I have a confession.

Well, I guess, a couple. The first is that I am currently watching the My Super Sweet Sixteen Movie. Don’t judge me!  The second is much bigger, and only a few of my closest friends know.

I am a registered user on not just one, but two online dating sites. I have a profile on each. After getting my heart broken about a year and a half ago, dating a really great guy for about 4 months somewhere in there (who unfortunately could never be more than a rebound, though I did care for him very much and wish him all the best), this is the first time I’m really coming to terms with the idea that I am actually, finally ready for a relationship.  However I work in a creative field a little bit void of straight men, and thus… dating sites. Which I swore I would never do, after a jarring experience last September.

From this, I met TheLawyer.  He is the only one I have had a date with so far. Let me tell you a tale… gather ’round, friends of Miss March.

If you ask any of my friends, they will tell you – while laughing – that I have a type. I like them maybe a few pounds overweight (negotiable), glasses, a big smile, bearded/stubbled (which is funny because I hate facial hair typically, however every man I’ve loved has had it!), and an intellectual.  So when Lawyer messaged me, it seemed like a hit. He was funny, a bit of a geek about music, older, glasses, stubbled, and smart. A slightly bearded bespectacled intellectual. After exchanging some e-mails and a few flirty gchats, I happily agreed to meet him for a drik after work on Wednesday.

It started off well enough – he set the place for where we’d meet.  In my group, I am typically the one making arrangements, so it felt great to take a break from it. I met up with him, and on a purely (and ashamedly) superficial level – he’s so short. My height. And I’m little. The place he found was totally packed, so we crossed the street to a sort of more upscale place. He was impossible to talk to in person, I felt like I had to pull the conversation out of him. However, I eventually got him started on a topic he was interested in – the neighborhoods of Brooklyn. Or, more specifically, the transportation benefits of the various neighborhoods in Brooklyn. He listed every bus and subway that goes to Brooklyn Heights, and making sure to mention that was where he lived with his ex girlfriend… and he knew how long ago they had broken up to the day. Literally. He was very condescending about the fact that I was younger than him, and when I tried to talk about economic policy with him, he dismissed my ideas because I was young. He finished by telling me that he’s been on the Atkins diet for deveral years (despite that he’s very thin) and proceeded to give me tips for how to do it myself.

So, he turned out to kind of be an asshole. I’ve been talking to a couple other guys, and hopefully my dates with them will be more promising. However, as my first real attempt back out there, newly healed heart and mind… it was a little jarring. Will they all be so surly?? Please say no!

Miss March Reads The Ethics Section…

From Sunday’s New York Times Magazine, The Ethicist section,

Minutes before my first lunch date with a man I met online, he called to cancel because he was hit by a bicycle and was in the emergency room at Roosevelt Hospital. I later called the E.R. to check on him, and a nurse said he was never there. Weeks after that, I heard about another woman with whom he used the same excuse: hit by a bike; in the E.R. Is it dater beware, or is there an obligation to be honest even online? — BETH ROSE FEUERSTEIN, LONG BEACH, N.Y.

Sounds all too familiar, no?

Beware: men using bicycle accidents as excuses!

To quote myself, about MusicTeach, from July 18th, 2008:

On Thursday I got two text messages from him. One was asking me to come talk to him online. The next said that he had gotten into a sports accident and his face was beaten up. I came online and we chatted. He thanked me for checking in with him and told me that he hadn’t even told his parents’ yet (so I was the first person he told?) and that he was “in hiding and would be for the next few days.” He didn’t make any mention of our day together, which I found odd. Later that night we talked online again. Again, he talked about his accident and told me, three more times, using different terms, that he would be unavailable for a few days because of his accident.

The accident he was referring to was a bike accident. He apparently biked right into a tree and scarred himself up horribly (think: Quasi Modo). However, when I recently saw him, although it had been some time since “the accident,” he had made it sound like he was scarred for good. Did I see any scars? Negative.

Does anyone know this Beth Rose Feurstein? I would love to find out this guy’s name! She also poses a great question, is there an obligation to be honest, even online? I say of course there is–but, apparently many people don’t have the same morals in the real world as they do on the ‘net (or maybe they do, and that’s doubly scary!)

Miss March Believes in Signs?

I think I’m through with Match.com.

I clicked my “who viewed you” button and saw that someone from my high school had viewed me. Awkward.

I’m taking this as a sign. I’m through with the online dating thing for a while. It was awesome this summer, and I met so many interesting men, but it takes a certain amount of effort and dedication that I just don’t have right now.

In other news; you ever have times when you see certain names pop-up in your life over and over again?

His name was on a gameshow tonight. Weird.

One of the Boys on the Stoop‘s last name keeps coming into my life. It’s not an unusual name, but he’s only the second person in my life that I know with that last name. I’ve been seeing it everywhere: on my textbooks, in movies, and then, while I was working out and watching TV tonight, it was an answer on a game show. I don’t really know what it means, except that perhaps I’m too superstitious or the name is more common than I once thought? I’m not kidding when I say that I see it somewhere new every day…or, perhaps I’m just noticing it more now because of him? Did this ever happen to you?

Any new signs in your life lately?

Miss March Googles Away!

So, I did something last night which, surprisingly, I haven’t done yet.

I Googled some of the boy’s I’ve been seeing.

And, I gotta tell ya: the results were pretty tame. We got one boy whose college graduation list came up, along with some athletic stuff from high school; everyone’s LinkedIn (Apparently, HSBF is a stock trader, who knew?!); but the best page I found was for a guy I’m hoping to go out with again. He’s a little older than me and runs his own company. On our date he told me how proud he was of his website, but of course, I didn’t think to actually go look for it. Well, his website for his company not only has the cheesiest picture of him ever on it, but a little, miniature, version of HIM that walks onto the screen, hands in pockets, cute face et al. and tells you about his company. Mind you, I was Googling in the wee small hours of the morning, and the last thing I expected was for his voice to come booming out of my computer, so after my initial shock and falling off chair, I laughed pretty hard. Honestly, it’s a great tactic to get people to use your company; he is pretty adorable, young, and sweet sounding. It does all come through on the screen with his little walking man.

Why all the sudden Googling? Well, J and I were hanging out last night and she Googled herself and this very creepy website came up. Apparently she once commented on a pretty famous dating blog, and someone was out to get the blogger, so they literally looked up all the people who commented on the blog and got enough information about each person to be extremely unsettling; complied it all onto a website, and then commented on each person who had commented (and these were not nice, totally scary, and unjustifiable things that had no basis in reality whatsoever). It had J’s full name, her blogs, her college and year of graduation; we were a little more than freaked out. So, we worked on disabling a lot of the links and such, and we Googled our way into early morning to see what else we could find.

But, it got me thinking, “Who’s Googling me?” I Google my name often because I do a lot of things and work with children, so I like to make sure everything is clean. But, there’s always something new. Last night I Googled myself and came upon a weird site that had pulled a picture of mine from one of my websites. Great. It had my full name attached to it. I guess the lesson here is don’t put your full name anywhere on the internet. Right. But, I already do that. That was the most annoying part about J’s problem too; we watch our backs like hawks, but it’s the other colleges, people, articles that post full names and then everything comes up. Not to mention that I have a really unusual name, so it’s not like it could be someone else when it comes up on Google. I wonder if any of the men I go out with Google me before dates. They would find some fun stuff to talk about, so it’s not like I mind much, but isn’t it funny to think that someone may know your whole “internet persona” before they actually go on a date with the real you? It’s like a whole new world with this stuff and dating. Blind dates aren’t really blind anymore; they’re like blindfolded and peeking through the corners a bit. But, all in all, I guess the smart move is to Google someone before you google someone, right? Although it is presumptuous to believe everything you read, sometimes it’s smart to double check that a person actually did go to college where they said they did, or work where they say they do. Perhaps the way to a man’s heart is through what you find on Google?

Do you google yourself? How about your dates, do you Google them? Ever find anything interesting?

Miss March’s Newest Revelations

So here’s the thing. I’m getting bored and slightly fed up with talking to men online. Talking to men that I meet from Dating Websites is like going on first dates, over and over and yes, over again. It’s the same talk: name, age, location, favorite music, favorite books, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy it, but I think I need a break from it all. It sort of takes the excitement out of the first date (this could be my fault, I do ask a lot of questions, but this is also a safety measure, in my mind, too). A lot of things could be playing into my recent boredom about this: my desire to not be at my computer lately, my busyness, the beautiful weather, my recent slew of dates, my doing school work during the day and not wanting to type a million hours at night. They’re definitely all factors into my getting annoyed with the internetboys. Don’t get me wrong on this point either: I’m not cutting the current internetties out of my life, I’m simply going to be much more discriminating on who I start talking to/let IM me.

That’s the other thing. I need to be more discriminating in the location of these men. In three weeks, when school starts, I won’t have time to go on the same amount of dates I am now, and I certainly won’t have time to travel far to meet these men. While I am aware that this limits my man-area, I think it’s probably for the best for me. Whenever I “meet” a guy online and he’s too far from me to really see, I tend to feel overly guilty and end up backing out of the friendship. Of course I want to meet these men, but dating them is sort of out of the question right now. I was actually reading some of the success stories on jdate.com, and many of them were about people from different cities who ended up talking online, meeting after a long time, and figured out that they were meant to be. I’m not against this happening, but I don’t think this is the time in my life for that.

Confession time: I’m a tad worried that if I don’t keep going at this dating thing full steam ahead I’m going to start missing Admiral Adama. While our friendship is great, and we talk everyday, and right now I-miss-him-but-not-at-the-same-time, I’m afraid if I go a week without a date I’m going to fall apart. Lame, right? I’ve become a date-a-holic, and while it’s fun, it’s also draining and emotionally exhausting. I love meeting new people, I love learning about their lives, I love going out; I hate the games, I hate the not-calling, I hate the time in-between. And, this has always been my problem. With both HSBF and Adama, I rushed things. We were saying ILY within two weeks of meeting. I know I need to grow some patience, slow down a bit, and relax. Everything will happen in due time. Hopefully having a full time job and dealing with people all day will slow me down a bit.

In other news, this is the longest Adama and I haven’t seen each other in almost four years. Weird.

Have you made any realizations about yourself (either in the dating world, or anything) recently?

Miss March’s New List

Talking to A this morning and I was telling her about all the different men I’m talking to from Match.com and Jdate. It’s sort of funny, I often forget who is who. I need to make a list:

Turtle: 23, 5’8; met on Match.com; works for an ad agency. Cute. Brown hair, brown eyes. Great smile. IMs me just to say goodnight. Point for him.

SilverSpoon: 23, 6’2; met on Match.com; works for a music producer. Brown hair. Need to see more pictures. Played scrabulous online for a while (he kicked my butt! I’m not used to that…he used big words!). Traded phone numbers. He texted me before bed last night. Interested in hearing what his voice sounds like. He’s from Texas.

Fiddler: Don’t know too much about him; met on Match.com; wrote some emails back and forth. He’s eloquent; a musician; has a sister; I look forward to talking to him more. I enjoy a good email.

LiberalBoy: 24, works for a congressman; met on Match.com; we have a friend in common; he looks exactly like Deanna’s Jesse; IMed me yesterday morning with a fun mind puzzle, continued to IM me throughout the whole day.

Got a lovely IM from a boy on Jdate; I accepted the IM and he invited me to drinks because he lives one town over. I said thank you, and asked him to tell me about himself. What did he say? “I have my own software company and I’m really handsome.” Uh. I gave him a minute to say “lol” or “haha” or even a god damned winky face, but no. Nothing. I responded with an “Oh, your own company, that’s cool.” I looked back on his Jdate profile and indeed he does say, “Some people might say that I am cocky, others know that I am inherently confident. Although I know I am good looking, I do not feel as though this is the most important thing in myself or anyone else and I prefer to look deeper.” I told him I’d contact him if I wanted to get a drink. Thanks, but no thanks. Been there, done that.

The thing with talking online is that it’s hysterical to me; it’s my generation’s form of courting. This is why I don’t see a huge difference in meeting men in a bar and meeting them online. When I meet men in a bar, I talk to them a little, get their name and screen name, and then we end up flirting online for a week anyway. This isn’t that much different. Or, maybe I’m justifying meeting men online to myself. Either way, it’s keeping me busy.

In other news, my uncle is setting me up with someone that I’m actually very excited about. He’s 29, has his own company, is cute, smart, and funny. I know his brother (know is an understatement, he’s been my crush since I was 5); we both ran in the same circles growing up, so we know a lot of people in common. I hope my uncle pushes this and we go through with it because I’m interested to see how we’ll get along.

Have you ever had a family member set you up with someone?